Pre-conceived notions

I am notorious for them, seemingly transferring my perceptions onto others within moments of our meeting. For example, it used to be that when I saw someone wearing certain articles of “Christian” clothing or jewelry, or listening to certain “Christian” bands that I also listened to, I would apply certain preconceptions to them as people who were like me. After getting to know them and discovering that we in fact did not necessarily agree on how to interpret scripture, I would come away challenged, attempting to fit their version of faith into my doctrine. This is the way my brain works: I earnestly labor to make connections to find points of common ground, but usually to common ground with which I feel most comfortable. Labels pose an obstacle to this process, both in areas of religious affiliation and beyond. It’s a part of our human psychology to file concepts in attempts at comprehension, organizing and separating them in order to more easily perceive the world.

My specific labels (at least concerning my religion) were Literal-interpretationist, Evangelical, Fundamentalist, Pre-dispensationalist, Charismatic, and Protestant. Oh, and along the way I’ve discovered that Southern and White should be added to that list… Those distinctions make a big difference too.

As a child, none of these labels mattered to me. I could find the Divine in anyone and everyone, never fearing to trust the connections I made. As a teen these labels began to define my sense of identity, at least forming the truths to which I held or against which I rebelled. Teen life didn’t require any real challenge to the truth behind these fundamentals, and other than my personal ebbs and flows from what I understood to be God’s perfect will for my life, they did not demand deconstruction. Let me be clear, I was raised in an environment (not necessarily my family, but socially) that viewed inter-racial relationships as rebellion, homosexuality as an abomination, and even living in poverty as the result of sin or Divine testing. However, the tension that existed between my drive to make true and meaningful connections with others and my desperate desire to be pleasing to God, according to these and other fundamentalist perspectives, was eased by my understanding that I was also a sinner. From this understanding, I was free to connect with people who weren’t like me, so long as we all realized that we were all just trusting God to free us of these sinful issues together. For a long time, even into young adulthood, this perspective seemed to work for me, only causing minor controversies in conversations amongst my Christian peers. But God had other plans, sovereignly leading me through a painful, fascinating, joyful, and complex journey of events, doubts, relationships, epiphanies, and renewals wherein every label used to define me has been blurred.

Essentially, most of those labels are still a part of me: they are my heritage, for which I am profoundly thankful; although they require redefinition and some may no longer apply. And now it seems there are new labels that seem appropriate: emergent, progressive, open & affirming, liberal, etc. The problem is that I am not fully comfortable in any of these shoes either. I am no theologian, but I am fascinated by theology. I am no cult-member, but the mystical nature of God is an obsession of mine. I am not fully arrived, but I have made progress. I am not Christ-like, but I’m attempting to love, see, and know more and more selflessly each day. Because of this, I cannot use the scriptures I hold dear as weapons to separate myself from any Other. The doctrines that I used to understand as literal edicts concerning relationships, etc. I have since found questionable at best, and downright hateful at their worst.

So, rather than with pre-conceived notions, it is from this position that I determine to study sacred texts and enter into connections with others, those from my past and those to come. I am not interested in arguments, only discussion, and I will still seek to find common ground, but will challenge myself to enter territory with which I am less familiar. As trite and obligatory as it may sound, the only label that I am interested in at this point is that of LOVE and whatever notions are conceived therein.

Lord, reduce me to love. That is all I ask.